Elections lost and PTO fundraisers, deplorable.

I remember groaning back in 2016 and being so mad at Hillary Clinton. I could not believe she said “deplorable.” Could. Not. Believe. It. I was aghast that she thought that thought needed to come out of her mouth. Hearts and minds are important and, believe it or not, when you label and insult folks you won’t get them to switch sides. I needed her to save us from the unthinkable possibility of the madness that has since become our government’s reality.

That said, cultivating hatred and further marginalizing marginalized people is deplorable. HRC, I was with you. Thankfully, I have no plans to run for office and can be freer with my word choices than I hoped you’d be. It is undoubtedly deplorable, but you needed Americans to buy in and with that word you drove a wedge between yourself and the poor white man on the fence. A man who might be a good man but isn’t sure he’s not being displaced by women. A man that feels confused and threatened by the word Privilege. A man that started insecure.

Insecure people and/or ignorant people, threatened by progress, can adapt when they are treated with kindness and given nurturing education. I say this with openness and vulnerability, knowing that there have been times when I was ignorant of my own privilege. There have been times when in my ignorance or defensiveness I hurt others and I was fortunate that smart, compassionate people could help me learn. I am glad that they didn’t call me deplorable and write me off.

It doesn’t always prove true, but I generally believe that people are generally good. I have to. I believe in our collective good and in our collective imperfection. It is the only hope for our divided country to tap into our collective good even when it is difficult to see.

That being said, I cannot support policies or companies that promote discrimination.

This is why I cannot volunteer for our PTO Chic-Fil-A fundraiser. My kids openly talk about gender roles and how they see their sexuality at the dinner table. (When kids discuss their crushes they are talking to you about sexual development. Pat yourself on the back of they do this.) I consider this a HUGE success that they trust me enough to talk about it. It’s a success that they feel safe enough at home to explore who they are. I can’t let (unfortunately delicious) waffle fries and nuggets get in the way of that.

PTO, I’m sad that you are asking us to. Is it important to fundraise? Absolutely, but I’d hope we would choose our partners with consideration for the message those partnerships send our children. Supporting any business that has given money to organizations that lobby against gay marriage and for conversion therapy sends a message to our kids about what their community is willing to accept. It is with an extremely heavy heart that I consider Chick-Fil-A’s impact on LGBTQ children and their families. So, I cannot support the PTO fundraiser because what might hurt my children hurts me. That’s what being a parent is. It is standing up for your kids’ wellbeing. To knowingly do otherwise is deplorable.

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